Hard Memories

Today has been hard day for more than just me.

You see, a girlfriend of mine just recently told me she was pregnant. Very, very early, but still pregnant. And unfortunately, today she had to tell me she lost the baby.

Maybe for some it's not all that difficult. 6 wks pregnant. Barely feeling the difference that makes. Not 'knowing' the baby. But for me, and I think for her, it's hard. There's a joy that comes with knowing you are carrying a precious life that doesn't match any other milestone. An anticipation of meeting that person for the first time, feeding, loving and molding them for their role in this life. I don't believe there is anything that matches it.

At least that's how I feel. And G and I lost three of those precious lives. Each one completely different circumstances, but the same end result. The loss of a desperately wanted child. There wasn't much people could do or say to numb the pain or heartbreak. I remember the phone ringing and not answering it 'cause I just didn't want to hear it.  I knew their heart's intent was there, but I just couldn't.  What was I to say in return?  I was devasted and that was that.

So here I am on the other end of this hardship, not for the first time I might add.  And yet having experienced the loss, understanding the heartache and utter disappointment, I still don't know what to do and say.  There is nothing.  There really isn't.  A call to say I'm so sorry and let me know if I can do anything was all I came up with.  But then maybe that's all there is.

All that to say, this is tough.   But I love you girl and if there's anything, I am here.