Mothers Day

I was thinking thru this concept of Mothers Day today.  I had the priviledge to have breakfast with my mother and my mother in law.  It was precious to see the differences in them, and yet the similarities when it comes to the love they have for their children and grandchildren.  It made me realize how precious life is, and the gift of being a mother (or father for that matter!) is beyond my comprehension.

When I think back to Mom's Day last year, we were in the final days of my S-I-L's battle with Cancer.  And this year we have just buried G's father.  Not the most enjoyable memories of family, but ones that bring us back to the important things.

I wish my Mother's Day story was a little different than it is.  However, I have learned alot through it.  I lost my first three pregnancies and so often wonder what it would be like to be a mom of more than one.  My fourth pregnancy has proven to be one of the GREATEST gifts in my world.  It did however, take longer than typical to fall in love with this little one.  You see, I separated myself from my fourth pregnancy.  It was a coping mechanism, an automatic response to the many loses prior to Buddy.  When he was born, I was not able to bond to this stranger.

I so regret those days and wish I could have them back. 

I have to admit that it wasn't until he was about 7 or 8 mths old that I really fell in love with him.  Granted all the days leading up to that were part of the process, but I vividly remember a day in September (ooo...there's a song I think!) outside under the trees and realizing how much I love this boy.  That there wasn't anything that could tear me away from him.  There was nothing he could do that would change my dedication to him. 

Today, it truly has grown to an exponential size.  There is nothing I love more than hanging with my little man and his daddy.  The little family we have is the most important thing in my life.  I would give up all our possessions, desires, as long as we are together.  I love them dearly.

So ... today, after a couple weeks of heartache saying goodbye to Buddy's Nonone, his name sake, but spending time with our familes, I am so grateful that today is a day I can celebrate one of my roles in this world.  Though not always easy or enjoyable, completely valued and appreciated.

Love you my boyz!