Blessing or Curse

:: Realizing the blessing it is to have a voice to worship, but getting prompted of the quiet that is required for hearing the One I worship ::

For the past few months, I have had nothing but health challenges when it comes to my sinuses and my voice.  There have been some good days (ones of only having a slight headache!) to some horrible days where the eyes have had to remain shut because of the sinus pressure.  But I have to say, the weeks that I have lost my voice have been the worst for me.

If you know me at all, you will know how I enjoy using my voice.  I won't deny it - anymore!  In fact, I can a name a few people who would sign on the dotted line if it meant a few moments of "Alex-silence".  I would hope that over the past few years I have learned how to tweek my ever present desire to speak, and I would dare to say that my hubby of 13 years would vouch for my effort and its non-so-consistent success.  I have learned many techniques-from literally biting my tongue to repeating in my head what others are saying-that have helped me along the way.

However, even more then these lessons and opportunites have given me, being without a voice has forced me to STOP.  You see, one of my all time favourite things to do, is sit at the piano and worship.  There is something that stirs deep within my soul when I have the opportunity for that.  In years past, I have questioned my abilities in playing piano and singing, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when I am engaged WHOLE HEARTEDLY, I am pleasing my Father.  He has created me for this.  I was created to worship through music.  Do I always play the right note or sing in perfect tone?  Absolutely not (I'm sure there are others that would sign on that dotted line too!).  However, I do know that this is one thing that God has used to hold me together, break my pride and restore my soul.

These past few months, my ability to sing has been squelched.  I have had illnesses in the past where this has happened, but not to this extreme or for this long.  It has been over three months since I had my first case of laryngitis.  My range has not returned and my pitch is somewhere in the Middle East I think.  This has been a huge challenge as one of my favourite roles is leading worship with my hubby.  So preparation, listening to new music and even leading, has caused me to shed to a few tears. 

Be that as it may, I have also been encouraged.  In fact, one such day I realized the blessing I had in having a voice to worship, but was getting prompted of the quietness that I needed in order to hear the One I worship.  Up to this point, I had thought of this lack of voice as a curse.  I have now realized that it is an amazing blessing (to others I'm sure!) and I need to learn this lesson and do so actively.

What lessons is the Lord teaching you these days?  Have you actively made choices and decisions to reflect the understanding of that lesson?  Just a few questions to ponder on this glorious Easter weekend!  What better time to make those choices!  Joyeuses Pâques!!